Monday, March 7, 2016

Motherhood Right Now

Motherhood right now is about debating whether or not I need to get back to work. It has been the longest time in my life without a job. I am talking about the 9 to 5 job, having a boss job, dressing out to work job, sitting in a big office job, sometimes getting stress out near the deadline job, getting bi-weekly paycheck job (the sweetest). Yes, that kind of job.

Motherhood right now is feeling a little less insecure, less powerful, less important. Constantly worrying if someday I will be valued the same as I was exiting my last job that paid quite well. 16 years of professional experience, working for big companies versus a total of 2 years being a full stay at home mom. That 2 years seem a lot longer. This is the consequences of being a stay at home mom. It ain't easy. Duly noted.

Motherhood right now is enjoying every little thing I have with my two children, seeing the joy in their eyes when I pick them up from school, listening to their stories about their days, sharing empathy about their sadness, disappointment, or frustrations. Comforting them when things go wrong and reassuring them everything will be alright. Just simply be there for them whenever they need me.

Motherhood right now is spending hours making girls' outfits, taking pictures and sending them to another families to enjoy. A side from that is debating whether this is something that I really want to do or will it be just part of a hobby that will stop someday. A great advise from a successful entrepreneur, "You are doing good as long as you are moving forward". I will always keep that in mind. A dream is still being built. Slowly.

Motherhood right now is thinking about marketing strategy, reading pages of marketing articles online and keep asking myself, "can I do this?".

Motherhood right now is hating the mall. How often have I been in a mall since I quit my job over one year ago? Not much. That's how I dislike mall nowadays. I can not believe it. I LOVED malls. I went to mall a couple days in a week when I used to work.

Motherhood right now is doing your own manicure and pedicure at home. I'd rather save the money spent on a nail salon by doing my own nails treatment at home.

Motherhood right now is wearing sneakers and jeans almost every single day. I don't find the need to wear heels, pencil skirts, silky blouses, dresses or dressy blazers as often as I like anymore. Yes, I miss those hectic working days sometimes.

Motherhood right now is not washing and blow drying my hair every morning anymore. When I used to work, I washed my hair and blow it dried every morning. I dropped my kids off to school  always looking nice. But nowadays, I drop them off with gym outfits, or yoga pants ( never in pajamas or sweat pants, oh god no). Then I go jogging. Hair washing is now done in the afternoon, before picking up the children.

Motherhood right now is looking nice whenever I pick up my kids. At least nice jeans and nice sneakers or flats. I somewhat have to substitute my not so good appearance in the morning with the afternoon pick ups, don't you think?

Motherhood right now is sitting with my kids every afternoon after school while they are doing their homework. I want to make sure that I am there and present every time they need my help.

Motherhood right now is about driving the children to school and to their after school practices or classes. It is about being an unpaid chauffeur.

Motherhood right now is about seeing  things I did not see when I used to work.

Motherhood right now is about being a PROUD stay at home mom with a little side business, proud of the two kids who are doing great at school, and proud of a very supportive husband.

Motherhood right now is about worrying so many things mostly about the future, but I try  "to enjoy and to live in the moment", as my husband always says.

Motherhood right now is very challenging. It has been a constant debate about "self-worth".

Motherhood right now is keep telling myself, "IT'S WORTH IT. YOU WON'T REGRET IT!".