Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Because I am not your father

My darling daughter,  
I am so sorry if what supposed to be a fun walking our dog while you were scooting turned out to be a not so fun experience for you this morning. There are a few more things that I am sorry for and I wish you understood.
  1. I am sorry that I kept telling you to be careful no matter how many times you said, “I know what I am doing, mom. Please stop saying that”. I wish you could just acknowledged it and said, “Okay mom, I’ll be careful”. Give me a little assurance, my dear daughter.
  2. I am sorry that I asked you to slow down whenever you’re near the intersection and you said, “Mom, I’ve done this so many times and I know when and how to stop”. But the fact is Madelyn, it worries me so, I forgot for a moment that you know what you’re doing. Even though you scoot on the sidewalk in a quiet neighborhood, there are still a few cars passing by.
  3. I am sorry that I just couldn’t shut up or let you just be free scooting and speeding a couple feet ahead of me or when I kept telling you to scoot next to my right side away from the street. I am sorry that you had to say, “Why do you always say that?. When I scoot with dad he doesn’t ask me to slow down or to stop. He just let me.”
  4. I am sorry I had to raise my voice when you pushed my limit and told me that scooting with me is not as fun as scooting with your father. I know you are only 5 years old but when you just wouldn’t stop comparing me with your father, I had to say something.
  5. I am sorry that you fell off your scooter this morning. Was it because of me? Did I get you nervous because I just wouldn’t shut up telling you my worries? So much I wanted to say, “See I told you so” but I didn’t. I just looked at you contemplating whether I should say that words or asked if you’re okay but before I said a word you said, “I am fine, mom” and you got up and kept on scooting.
There will be many more occurrences in our life when I’ll tell you not to do things; I may tell you not to go out during school night. I may tell you not to wear a mini skirt or a very short pants outside the house. I may tell you not to wear a low cut t-shirt. I may tell you not to hang out with a certain kids. I may not give you a permission to have a sleepover until you are at a certain age. I may tell you not to worry about what people think of you. I may tell you not to do sports that I think is dangerous.     
Someday you’ll understand why I say those things.  Someday you’ll understand why this mother of yours have so much worries. This mother of yours has anxiety, Madelyn. Anxiety that was created since I gave birth to your brother and even more so after you were born. Someday you’ll understand that us mothers are different than fathers.
But for now, as I am writing this, I promise you that I will be more at ease when you are scooting, roller skating or riding your bike. There is one thing I assure you I will never stop saying though, “Please be careful, Madelyn”. Someday you'll understand that when a mother say "Please be careful" the words have more meaning than what it may sound. They go above and beyond. Someday you'll also understand why you calls me 'mom' and you'll understand why I am more uptight than your father, because I am not your father.

Sincerely,
Your mother who loves you with all her flaws and imperfections.

7 comments:

  1. That happens to me too. :)) Guess mothers are not players...i don't known..haha

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. Some probably are but not you and I.

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  2. Oh my goodness, this is what i'm feelin' too. Mesti share ke mana nih biar asik? Hahahaha. Thanks for sharing, btw.

    Salam,
    Syanu.

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    1. Hi Syanu,
      Terima kasih udah mampir. Share di FB aja :)

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  3. Mbaknya bikin aku terharuuu :(

    Salam,
    Rasya

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  4. Mbrebes mili deh mbak bacanya, pengen pulang peluk orangtua :" huhu

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